It’s a lazy slide down to archived messages. He’s online! It’s 9pm and this should be the 20th time you’ve checked his profile picture; who’s counting anyway? He didn’t call today, but does he ever?
A deep sigh and 10 seconds later, you’re on twitter reading his tweets from top to bottom. Just then, a new tweet from him enters. Your heart thumps and starts racing…then you send a message.
You’re awake the next morning with a deep frown on your forehead. After morning prayers, the first thing you check on social media is twitter. He read and ignored your message. Then, you’re thinking—maybe his phone went off, maybe it’s network; a whole lot of maybes. Of course, you’ll defend him; because you love him.
You’re thinking maybe you shouldn’t jump to conclusions; he’ll reply. Then, you close your mind’s eye to all the many times he has ignored your messages before. You’re not sure if it’s just you or everyone goes through this in their relationships.
You always want to ask yourself where you’ve gone wrong. You’ve steeled yourself against calling him this time because he always says he’ll work on it and he never does. It’s the same old story!
Then one day, you summon courage and confront him. He says he doesn’t seem to have interest in the relationship anymore. His fear of hurting you made him keep it to himself for a long time. You wince as he drops this piece of news. To him, it’s a load off his chest but to you, it’s not just words, it’s like the day mama’s precious set of China slipped from your hands unto the tiled floor, breaking to smithereens. Only this time, it’s your heart on the floor in place of the China.
Then, you start blaming yourself; ‘maybe I was complaining too much’, ‘maybe I pushed him away’, ‘or maybe I didn’t love him well enough’… All these daily plaque your mind and you wonder if you’ll ever get answers.
Most of us have seen instances of lopsided love. It happens:
1. If one person is doing all the emotional work in the relationship. Are you always the one who calls, texts, makes plans for an outing? Whose loving words are met with a strained silence or ignored? Is your partner unwilling to participate in making the relationship work?
2. If you find yourself giving and giving, listening, sacrificing time and your own priorities repeatedly while he or she never does the same for you, it’s a lopsided relationship.
3. If you find yourself making excuses for him or her, you may be having this fantasy that whenever you’re in a relationship, you have to stay with your partner in good times and in bad, and yet, he or she opts out time and again.
4. You’re not a priority in his or her life. If he or she always choose to give time and attention to everyone except you, then you’re definitely in a lopsided love relationship.
Ask yourself what you’re getting. What do you get out of giving and giving and getting little or nothing in return? Some people are dedicated martyrs in their relationships, how do you feel this will work for you long term if nothing were to change?
It’s a matter of what you can live with, what matters most to you and what you can let go.
This was another painful break up story. Have you experienced a similar situation? Or is your story entirely different? Please share in the comment section. Remember you’ve only gotten over it if you can talk about it!